As I am writing this, it is my last night in England and as of now, the adventure is over. Soon, I will have to go back to the real world with traffic, cursing, smog, family, responsibilities, the beach, and Vietnamese food. Yet, while I am excited, and have been for a month or so, there is still a feeling of loss, of business left unfinished.
I was unsure of what I should call this feeling until suddenly talking to my best friend over the phone, it came to me.
It feels unreal. Like it happened to someone else and that I was just watching. It was not me on those trains, climbing up those mountains, seeing those sights. It was someone else and I was only dreaming. That's what it feels like: a long, tiring, exhilarating dream. It was the feeling I had after Paris and I had not felt it again until now. And I feel like at any moment, I am going to wake up and I will be back in California, getting ready to leave for England once again. Like this is all just a precursor to the next, great chapter. Which is an appropriate feeling considering that I am applying for graduate school this upcoming fall. At the same time, I never want this hazy dream to end but coincidentally, I cannot wait to wake up and find my way home.
I feel sad, as if I am saying good-bye to something forever (it seems like it with my British friends), something which I do not know I am ever going to see again. It's a feeling that you are losing something and at the same time, I am gaining my life back, the life I know and have grown up alongside.
Like most things, there are gains and losses, light and dark.
You always hear people say, "Before they die, I want to do this..." At the risk of sounding morbid, I know that if everything were to end tomorrow, I know that I would have gone at the height of it all. I would have seen some extraordinary things, met some of the best people I have ever met, and held the world in my hands. There will be no regrets and no options for sadness.
And that's the most perfect thing of all, the most perfect feeling to have, and the most poignant as well.
"I've seen fire and I've seen rain
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I'd see you again" - James Taylor, "Fire and Rain"
P.S. The blog is not over, by the way. Though if you were here for my adventures and, like me, feel like it's time to come back to Earth, then now would be the time to stop reading. As for the rest, I will be continuing with my perceptions upon coming back, as well as miscellaneous abroad-related things. Thank you all for reading and see you on the other side.
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